


The Hardest Part of This is Leaving You (idfk it's a working title)

by Just_A_Waffle_Bitch



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: And angst, Angst, Cancer, Child Neglect, Crying, Denial, H - Freeform, I dont even know if ill finish this, I dont know what tags to put heere, Im not sure of any other ships yet, Im sorry Jake, Im sorry Rich, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It starts out okay but then gets gradually less okay, Jake has really poor coping mechanisms, Jake suffers way too much, Lots of gay crying, M/M, Men Crying, Mental Illness, Not sure if he dies yet, Oh and also theres a lot of song references id ya squint because im addicted to music and trash, PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rich has a dog and its cute, Rich has cancer, Self Harm, Slow Burn, brooke's mom is fucking nurse joy, gay angst, im so sorry guys, im sorry everyone, possible major character death, richjake, tw cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-05-23 23:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14943707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_A_Waffle_Bitch/pseuds/Just_A_Waffle_Bitch
Summary: I'm too lazy to write a description so just read the fucking tags. Lots of trigger warnings for this one. H.Low-key inspired by this artwork https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/14027316





	1. Just a Bro Helpin Another Bro Out

**Author's Note:**

> Oof
> 
> Trigger warnings for fire, self-hatred, mental illness, semi-graphic descriptions of burning to death, cursing, physical illness, mental illness, maybe some implied child abuse if you squint, the whole sha-bang-bang, apply to this chapter. Most of it is pretty mild but i want y'all to be safe so yeah. This is the easy part. It just gets worse and worse >:)

Chapter 1

 

Rich hugged his boyfriend tightly, burying his face in his chest. It was lovely. He felt lovely. He could go on like this forever.

 

“Promise you’ll never leave me…” the taller boy whispered in his ear. Rich giggled.

 

“Alright, alright. I’ll never leave you. I promise.” he said sweetly. “And you?”

 

The other boy looked down at him, his brown(?) eyes sparkling. “I promise I’ll never le-”

 

Rich didn’t hear the rest of what he said. He yelped, feeling a sudden jolt of pain. He looked down to that see his leg was engulfed in flames. He screamed, shaking his leg desperately trying to put out the fire, but it continued to crawl up his body, eating away at his skin.

 

“Jake? Jake!?” he cried out desperately. He looked around frantically for the comfort of his boyfriend, but he was no longer there. The familiar voice of his squip echoed around him.

 

“Jake is gone. He left you. He hates you. He’ll never forgive you for what you did. No one will ever forget. No one will ever love you for who you are. They all hate you. They all hate you just like you deserve.”

 

This was the last thing Rich heard before his entire world was drowned out by the smell of burning flesh and his own strangled screams of pain.

\-------

Rich woke up with a jolt, damp with sweat. Ugh… Not again…  he squinted his eyes at the alarm clock next to him. 4:00 AM.  _Fuck. Well I’m definitely not getting back to sleep now. He hauled himself out of bed, blinked the sleep out of his eyes, and made his way downstairs._

 

As soon as he stepped down to the bottom of the stairway, the short boy was tackled to the ground.

 

“Fuck! Get off of me! You’re gonna wake up dad!” he hissed, shoving Sugar off of him. He got up and stared down at the dog’s bright, smiling face. “Hehe. Crazy girl! Who’s my little crazy girl?” he said, ruffling the dog’s fur. ‘Little’ wasn’t exactly the right word to describe her. The rottweiler-husky mix was almost as big as he was, though that wasn’t saying much. Rich looked at his elbows which he landed on. They were already covered in dark purple bruises.  _Jesus, this dog’s gonna kill me one day, I swear to god..._

“Crazy girl want a treat?” Rich asked, smiling widely. The dog sat down obediently and wagged her tail, letting out a short “Borf!” of excitement.

 

“Shush.” Rich shushed. “Gotta stay quiet.” he said, standing on his toes to get the box of dog treats out from the high cabinet above the kitchen sink. He reached into the box and tossed her a treat. As he watched the Sugar lick the remnants of the treat from her lips, his stomach began to grumble.

 

“Time to get a treat of my own!” he grinned as he pulled a box of Fruity Pebbles out of the cabinet. He would have liked to have eggs and bacon, but he was scared to cook now, his brother had moved out, and he’d be damned if he ever asked his dad to do something for him.  _Damn fucking pyrophobia making me eat shitty-ass cereal instead of my glorious eggies and bacon._  He poured the milk in first like the chaos god he was, and sat down on his couch to eat while watching Sailor Moon.

\-------

Halfway through his 9th episode, the alarm went off on his watch. 7:00 AM. Rich grunted, pulling on some pants and a hoodie and stepping out the door to see Jake’s old beat up car parked outside. It wasn’t always a piece of junk on wheels, but one wild party when everyone was drunk off their ass Rich had offered some freshman to smash up the car with a baseball bat for $10 a swing. Rich was surprisingly good at destroying Jake’s property. Jake didn’t mind though. They were cool like that.

 

“Oh hey dad!” Jake shouted, genuinely surprised. The car radio was cranked all the way up, so he had to shout to be heard over the music. “Wow, you actually made it out on time! I only had to wait a few minutes.”

 

“Eh. Woke up early I guess.” Rich grunted as he climbed into the van. Jake frowned and stared into Rich’s eyes for a few seconds, as if waiting for him to tell the truth, before shrugging and turning to the wheel.

 

“When are you gonna get your driver’s license already? It’s fucking annoying,having to get up early every day to come get you.” Jake said in a half-joking tone.

 

“Oh, shut up!” Rich shouted. “You know you’d come here to pick me up, even if you had the choice! Admit it! You love driving with me!” Jake just snorted and stayed focused on the road until they arrived at school.

\-------

In the hallway after 1st period, Rich was walking alone, lost in his own thoughts, when he heard a loud, rude voice call out to him.

 

“Hey! Arson boy!” Rich looked up to see Dustin smirking at him, with Gerard practically clinging to his side like the pathetic follower he was. Rich hated Dustin with every bone in his body. Dustin was… tall. But not tall in the cool way that Jake was. Dustin was… intimidatingly tall. You had to tilt your neck back to see his face, and with a face like that it really wasn’t worth the strain.

 

“You hiding a lighter in that backpack? You gonna burn down the school?” he taunted. Gerard tugged on Dustin’s T-shirt. “Careful, he might set you on fire!” he giggled.

 

“I’d burn down the school if it meant you were erased from the planet.” Rich scowled. Dustin grinned back at him, unfazed.

 

“Wow, that was a pretty nice burn there. Not surprising, considering your history of burning things.”

 

Rich was just about to flip him the bird when he heard a booming voice from behind him.

 

“HEY! WATCH WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT MY BRO!” Jake roared. Rich stared up at his friend in a mix of shock, awe, admiration, and a little bit of fear. He loved Jake when he used the big voice, but he could also be a bit scary at times, even to Rich.

 

“S-sorry Jake!” Dustin stuttered, stumbling back. “It will- It will never happen again, I promise!”

 

“It’d better not.” Jake growled in a deep voice. And just like that, Dustin and Gerard scuttered off like a pair of scared rats.

 

“Thanks dude.” Rich said hoarsely.

 

“No prob. Don’t let those asswipes get to you. They need to fu…” Suddenly the corners of Rich’s vision darkened, and it was near impossible to hear the rest of what Jake was saying over the throbbing in his head and the sharp ringing in his ears. His face filled with a strange, almost pleasant pins-and-needles sensation as everything faded to black.

 

Rich slowly opened his eyes, dazed and confused, to find at least a dozen people staring down at him concerned. It took him a while to register which way was up.

 

“Wha..? The fuck happn’d..?” he slurred. Jake gave an audible sigh of relief.

 

“Oh thank god you’re awake… Had me freaked out for a sec. You passed out I think..? Something like that. Only for a few seconds. You okay there?”

 

“Yeah..? Guess I’m just really fuckin’ tired. Had a lot of long nights lately, y’know?” He said as he slowly picked himself up. Jake frowned.

 

“Dude… I know you’ve been having a lot of nightmares about the whole… incident recently, but this… this is getting out of hand. You can’t be just…” he made a vague hand gesture. “Fainting in the middle of the hallway like that. You need help. “

 

“Like… a therapist or somethin’?”

 

“Or somethin’.”

 

“Maybe.” Rich said vaguely.

Jake stared at Rich, as though evaluating him, for a solid few seconds, before finally announcing “You look like shit.”

 

Rich blinked, startled. “Gee, thanks for the compliment, bro.”

 

“No seriously. We need to get you to the nurse. No offense bro, but you look like an actual trainwreck.”

 

“I’m fine!” He huffed, his face turning red.

 

“I’m taking you to the nurse.” Jake scooped Rich up, holding him like a child, and started walking in the direction of the nurse’s office. Rich, whose face was now beet red, whined loudly.  _Why does Jake always patronize me like this? He does it on purpose. He loves treating me like a baby. I’m not even that short! What did I do to deserve this embarrassment? ...He’s just doing it because he cares about me I guess. But still, I wish he realized how I feel about it. Then maybe he’d stop._

 

Jake carried him into the office where he began talking to the nurse. “Hey, little Richie isn’t feeling well,can I take him home so he can take a naptime?” Rich growled like a dog. Jake snickered quietly.

 

The nurse looked at Rich’s face and grimaced. “Of course, of course. Should I call his guardian to com-”

 

“I’ll drive him.” Jake cut off immediately.

 

“Of course, of course…” she repeated.

 

Wait, she’s letting me go home without even taking my temperature?

 

Jesus, I must really look like a trainwreck.

\-------

Once Rich got home, Jake immediately laid him down on the couch. Rich noticed that Sailor Moon was still on; he had forgotten to turn off the TV when he left.

 

“Should I turn this off or..?” Jake asked.

 

“S’fine…” Rich mumbled into his pillow.

 

“Okay…” Jake trailed off awkwardly. There was a long silence.

 

“M’fine y’know…” Rich said finally, breaking the silence.

 

Jake laughed. “Maybe. But I don’t want to risk it.” There was another long, awkward silence that seemed to last forever.

 

“So… Are you gonna leave or..?”

 

Jake sat up sharply, rather taken aback by this question. “Do you want me to leave?”

 

“N-no! I mean… do you want to leave?”

 

“Eh… I’d rather stay here with you. I’ll stay right here by your side, and I’ll be right here with you when you wake up. How’s that sound?”

 

“Sounds good..” Rich laughed, before sinking into a deep sleep.

\-------

 


	2. Chapter 2: Chillin With Jer and Co.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich hangs out at Jeremy's house and it's fun until it isn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S BACK SORRY I LEFT THE FANDOM FOR A WHILE BUT IT'S BACK

Rich opened his eyes groggily, only to see Jake looking down at him, a soft smile on his face. “Awake at last, sleeping beauty?”

“Shuddup…” Rich groaned, rubbing his eyes and sitting up slowly. “Howlong’zitbeen?” he slurred.

“‘Bout 8 hours. I was here the whole time, like I promised. I told my aunt I would be sleeping over here tonight.”

Rich shot up, startled. “Waitwaitwait… 8 fucking hours? Are you pulling my dick?” But sure enough, as he looked outside it was night time already.

“Yeah, lol. So… are you feeling any better now, bro?” despite his jovial tone, there was a flash if genuine care and concern in his eyes.

Rich thought for a moment. “Not really, bro.” he finally decided. He still felt tired, dizzy, and now there was this nasty sick feeling in his gut. He groaned. Jake tilted his head at him.

“You good, bro?” he ran his fingers through the smaller boy’s hair. “You look, like, super pale, dude.”

Rich didn't answer, staring at the ground in a haze for a few moments. _This… doesn't feel normal. Why have I been feeling so.. gross lately? I guess maybe it's just sleep deprevation or somethin. That stuff can fuck you up bad... jesus, I'm a piece of work._

“...Bro?”

“Huh? Oh, I uh… hey, wanna go to tall ass- er, Jer’s house? Y'know, shits been boring lately, might as well see what the dork is up to.” he added a grin at the end, hopefully it looked genuine.

Jake stared at him for a few more seconds before shaking his head, as though dismissing an unwanted thought. “Sure, little dude. Whatever you wanna do is cool.” he did the OK sign, otherwise known as the finger circle, otherwise known as a shitty overused meme.

Rich scoffed and headed out the door. He shivered from the cool night air. He was wearing a hoodie, it shouldn't be this cold, what.. Suddenly, his legs felt like they were about to give way. He winced.

“Hey, can we take the car?” he asked Jake, trying to seem as not-dead as possible. What a dumbass question. His house is like 2 blocks away, only an unathletic loser would…

But surprisingly, Jake didn't seem to question it. He just took his car keys out of his pocket, unlocked the car, and got in without saying a word. They drove in silence- not awkward silence or anything, just the usual calm lost-in-thought silence -for about 8 seconds before the car came to an extremely anticlimactic halt.

Jake walked ahead of Rich, for once, and pushed open the door, not bothering to knock. _Bad fucking idea dude. The dude could've been jerking off, knowing him. And if you'd walked in on a sight like that, you'd then have even more trauma to worry about. Either that or some great fucking blackmail material._

But, surprisingly, Jeremy wasn't jerking off for once. He was sitting on his couch, playing Undertale on his PS4 with Michael. Both of their heads turned.

“Hey Rich. What's up? Over than the ceiling, of course.” Michael laughed, waving an arm adorned with so many silly bands, glow rings, and slap bracelets that you couldn't see the skin underneath, beckoning him to join. “Oh, uh, hey Jake. And Rich.” Jeremy greeted awkwardly.

“Sup.” Jake greeted. “We just thought we'd stop by to maybe hang for the night. ‘zat good with you dorks?” _Christ, he's cool. He's. So. Fucking. Cool. Where did he learn to be that cool? He has reached the maximum level of coolness. He is all I could ever aspire to be, in terms of being cool._

Michael shrugged. “It's Jer’s house.” He touched Jeremy on the shoulder. Jeremy flinched. “H-huh? Oh, yeah, that's okay I guess… we were just about to have tacos..”

“Great! God, I'm fuckin staaaaaarving, man! How bout you?” he rested his arm over Rich’s shoulder. “Uh, yeah, bro. I'm fucking dying to eat over here.” He lied. He still hasn't gotten over that sick feeling in his stomach.

“Cool. I'll ask dad to make some more, it shouldn't be much trouble.” About 15 minutes passed. Mr. Heere brought in a tray of beef tacos. Everyone ate their fill, and Rich managed to force one down.

“Do you guys, erm, wanna go to my room now? Jeremy's eyes shifted between Rich and Jake. He still wasn't quite used to interacting with them in such a friendly manner, it seemed.

“Yeah, sure dude.” Jake beamed. They headed up to Jeremy's room on the top floor of the house. The room was very… blue. There seemed to be some sort of space aesthetic, with the walls painted baby blue with navy blue carpeting, glowstars covering the ceiling and the wall near Jeremy's bed, which had a huge, NASA blanket. There was a small work desk with a laptop, a cage with what appeared to be a hedgehog fast asleep in it, and two space patterned beanbag chairs facing a television screen, which seemed to be equipped with every game console imaginable. Hell, this whole room was a nerd's wet dream.

Jeremy seemed to visibly relax when he entered. Rich immediately rushed to the hedgehog cage. He loves animals, especially cute little rodents. He poked his finger through the cage. “Who's the little guy?” he asked.

“You.” Michael responded, instinctively, grinning.

“Oh, him? That’s my pet hedgehog, Miles Hedgeworth. He's real friendly, he won't bite. Micha got him for me for my 12th birthday."

Rich snorted. “Weeb.”

“Hey, you're one to talk, mister _Sailor Moon backpack!_ ” Jeremy teased in response. “And besides, it was Michael who introduced me to those games. He was the one who thought of the name. They're good games too. I think you might like them if you actually gave them a chance.”

Rich was about to think of a response, but felt a sudden surge in the pit of his stomach. _Fuck…_

He bolted to the door, but was too slow, and began vomiting violently onto Jeremy's carpet.

“Woah geez.” Michael watched from a distance. He crept closer and stared into the puddle of puke on the ground. “Oh damn.Those poor, poor tacos…”

**Author's Note:**

> It all goes to shit.


End file.
